Roman Jokes

[Paulla Antonia Bucco]

Salvete!

So, as a follower of Roman history, I've come across a lot of ancient Roman-themed jokes and stories over the course of my life, and I thought I'd share a few here to brighten someone's day. Please feel free to add your own funny Roman themed things.

So a Roman general walks into a bar. He holds up two fingers, and says to the bartender: "I would like five beers."

- Paulla Antonia Bucco

[Gaia Cassia Longina]

I love Roman jokes!

One of my favorites is the Caesar and Brutus one - I used to tell this one all the time at open mic night...
So Caesar asks Brutus to go get chocolates (pretend they had chocolates at their time) from Belgium. He understands that this is a long way away so he allows Brutus to eat *one* chocolate from the box. Brutus goes, returning months later with the chocolates, and he hands the box to Caesar. Caesar opens the box and immediately slams it shut, screaming for Brutus to be arrested. When Brutus asked why, Caesar replied "Ate two, Brute?"

[Publius Sextius Laevus]

Again in Latin:
Hic Romanus cum eius cohorticula in tabernam venit
et se duobus digitis erigentibus "Io! Pihalitus" inquit ad
Cauponem "da mihi quinque cervisias!"
V
vale,
Laevus

[Publius Sextius Laevus]

The Greek slave of Tiberius brings his master's tunic to the tailors for repair. The proprietor thinks he recognizes the guy and says "Euripides?" The customer says "Yeah, Eumenides?"
vale
Laevus

[Lucia Hostilia Scaura]

Avete!

Sadly, I do not have a joke. But I do have an excellent podcast on Roman humour from Mary Beard and the CBC.

http://www.cbc.ca/radio/ideas/on-joking ... oplay=true

Hostilia

[Lucius Vitellius Triarius]

The Greek slave of Tiberius brings his master's tunic to the tailors for repair. The proprietor thinks he recognizes the guy and says "Euripides?" The customer says "Yeah, Eumenides?"
vale
Laevus

ROFLMAO!!! That is SO BAD that it's hilarious!!! All of these are absolutely outstanding!

[Lucius Aurelius Curio]

A Roman walks into a bar and orders a martinus. "You mean a martini?" The bartender asked. The Roman retorted back with, "If I wanted a double I would've ordered that!"

(Tacky, I know).

[Lucius Vitellius Triarius]

Okay, some of us are kinda "slow"...So, I relate not a Roman Joke, but a recent Roman Prank.

Our illustrious Praetor urbanis, Victor "Breccae dicaces" (Mr. Smarty Pants) sent me a preview copy of the Annals before he releases them on the Kalends of May...for review. I start reading them, and realize that the only corrections needed were where he had my name written...Lucius Vitellius Triarius Calvus. I informed him that I had no Calvus in my name...He chuckled and said, "I know that."

Triarius Calvus = "Triarius the Bald"

For those of you that might have received a copy of these Annals, you got the ***UNOFFICIAL*** copy.

A "shining" example of Roman Humor. Thanks Victor...old buddy, old pal...vengeance is mine! I'll get you back!

Muwahahahahahaha!

(With an evil laugh, Triarius buffs his head, spotlights Victor by reflection in the sun, and departs the forum to develop secret plans to raid the PU offices and exact his revenge...)

[Gaius Curtius Philo]

I await the comeback!

It was mainly because you self-entitled yourself the Bald in a comment once and I wanted to make a homage to that xD Glad it amused you! That was the intention

[Lucius Vitellius Triarius]

Q: How was the Roman Empire cut in half?

A: With a pair of Caesars!

(3 drum beats and symbol crash...)